Where is Your Manger?

“Fear Not!  I bring you tidings of great joy!”—tidings too good not to be true—tidings all about you—tidings meant just for you.

“For unto you”—into you—within you—is waiting to be born this day right here in the city where you reside, in the home where you dwell, in this life where  you live—your new bring—the holy babe that is the essence of God—the God-in-you that is your soul—birthed forth into your consciousness.

For within you this very day is the God child you always were, waiting to be born unto you

“And this shall be a sign unto you: you shall find the babe!”  What assurance!  We shall find our babe—no hesitation, no trepidation, no uncertainty.  You shall find the babe—you, each of you, individually, shall find the babe—the babe that is you—the real you.  There is no question about the outcome ifif you want to find the babe—if you follow the signs to the manger.

You shall find the babe, wrapped in swaddling cloths, wrapped very carefully in very special swaddling cloths—the protective, nurturing bands made especially for newborns, for warmth and security, swaddling cloths that only you can provide, swaddling cloths that only you will know how to provide, swaddling cloths that will be  your top priority to provide for this new being which is the real you.

You shall find your babe lying in a manger.  Lying in a manger—a rough unfinished bin—an unswept stable—might we say the unredeemed depths of your being?  Lying in a manger—not just any manger—your manger, your rough bin, your unswept stable, your unsanctified depths.

And this will be a sign for you—you will find your babe lying in a manger—a place not far from here, in a place only you can find, in a place God is leading you to find, in a place you shall find.

Where is your manger?  Your rough bin? Your unswept stable?  Your unredeemed depths?  Just listen.  Listen and look with the ears and eyes of the heart.  Listen for the ache that stirs deep inside you, the longing to feel fulfilled, the yearning to be—to be glad just to be alive—to be free from anger, free from guilt—to be—a new being—fresh and whole and cleansed, to be real, to feel loved unconditionally.

Listen for the ache and go to that spot.  Listen for the message it has for you.  Heed its instructions and you will be led to the manger—your manger—where you shall find all you ever wanted to be—and more.

And then what happened in the story?  We’re told that those who went in search of the manger, after told by winged messengers not to fear, were transformed into laughing, dancing, shouting creatures who praised God for the miracle.  That miracle is you!

Ann Glover O’Dell

23 October 2011

Poems for Peace (remembering 9/11)

HOW CAN WE BE AT PEACE?

How can we be at peace when

spirit’s doors are locked against it?

Locked and bolted ‘gainst

we know not what for the

unknowing makes us fearful still.

Fearful of whatever lies beyond

paltry presumption of control

beyond concentrated consciousness

that knows so little

understanding even less.

Fearfulness that lies in wait

albeit quite against its will

for frequent fear is nonetheless

predictable and anxious huddling

in its womb is still more

to be desired than any sort

of openness to expectation’s

swaddling cloths of vulnerability.

How senseful that our fear

that chronic lodger

continues welcome with its stale

foul breath and stained attire

when we the landlords

with our legalese

could if we dared

advertise our “rooms to let”

and interview new prospects

always with the veto power

tightly clutched  within our ring of keys.

Ann Glover O’Dell      19 April 2004

 

NOT AS THE WORLD GIVES

‘Not as the world gives’

is your peace you said

yet we would be

content just now with

what the world defines

since such unpeacefulness abounds

we cannot entertain the notion

of a state within

when  all about us

life’s demise looms large.

 

Power plays take center stage

and those rehearsing roles

soon star in great performances

surprising e’en themselves

with prowess and precision patterning.

 

Oh greed where is thy pain

which piercing self to inner well

of generosity so makes our

substance sharing

more to be desired

than much fine gold?

 

Where is the understanding

of that peace not understood

by mortal minds but mandates

light’s deep penetration of the

soul’s storehouse of truth?

Is there a spirit energy

encased within your peace

propelling us

to show the world the way?

Ann Glover O’Dell   20 June 2004

 

BLESS AGAIN!

Oh, One, who once in time blessed

world with your creation

who promised greater blessing

to  begotten and beloved

who blessed with beckoning finger

a journey from the known into adventure

who blessed with ripe womb fruit

the barren and despairing

then tested trust by bid  progenicide

who staged new blessing by surprise deception

dishonor and a wrestling match

who blessed by  rank denial the boons requested

and blessed again with secret benediction

the ones you named your one and only ones.

 

Oh, One, come bless again!

o’erturn the graves of hatred

revive still births of spirit

spill out the coffers’ gold.

 

A Jubilee we seek, we need

where all now cleansed and shining

is ready for the new creation song.

Ann Glover O’Dell   4 June 2002

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GOODNESS

Goodness includes within it the absence of goodness, else man could not know the nature of the good.

The opposite of a virtue must be present (or presented) along with that virtue in order for the totality of that virtue to be known.  And for any good to be fully known, man must have the freedom and desire to choose it.  Only in the knowledge, experience of its opposite can man fully appreciate, yearn for, and enjoy the good.

The fruit of consciousness enables us to recognize the bitter as well as the sweet in life, and each experience moves us toward wanting that which will satisfy completely.

Without the duality of human existence, God could not hope for man to yearn for the unity that he (God) wanted with man but could never achieve if man had no choice.  Opposites are essential to God’s grand design.  Whether we call the absence of good evil or sin or give it a proper name (Devil, Anti-Christ, etc.) makes no difference.  The looming largeness of this absence of good causes man to name, describe, place blame with such energy—all signifying the enormous influence of and preoccupation with this absence.

Once the good is apprehended, the energy formerly attached to the absence is now invested in and multiplies the good.

Ann Glover O’Dell

29 April 2009

 

Easter Us!

Easter me, O God

Easter all

who sense a never-ending

Gethsemane

Golgotha

or emptiness

relentless in ennui

of  soul.

Easter us

as sure as lilies bloom

ere winter’s past

as sure as sun rise

heralds end of night

as sure as Eden tree

grows from a single seed

in skeleton shadow sown

remaining after all the old has died.

Yes

Easter once again

and again

and again.

 

Ann Glover O’Dell

26 June 2009

Light of the World–in Me?

I’ve never before thought of myself as being a light in the world, let alone part of The Light of the world. Jews have a legend of the creation of the world that has a holy vessel containing holy Light coming out of the holy Darkness. There is an accident and the vessel breaks. Tiny fragments of Light are released to be embedded in every single human being, in fact in all created beings.

The legend pleases me to think that God would in a sense divide himself among us all, giving us each an equal chance to show forth his holiness. But now I ask myself, ‘What would it be like to be a transparency for inner holy Light? And how do I dig through the debris that no doubt covers mine to let the Light shine free? Is this something I can undertake and effect on my own or do I need the source of Light to help me? Or do it for me?

Jesus said we are the light of the world AND that we have the Kingdom of God within us. Perhaps that is but a confirmation of the ending of the Jewish legend.

I think of star light in the Nativity story and wonder if I ponder that perhaps some divine celestial Light might show me the way to reveal my own.

4 January 2016

EASTER

Easter is all about Relationship.

The idea of resurrection suggests the emergence of something that was dead but is alive again.
Nature comes alive again in spring only as flowers and trees stay in relationship to what gives them life—sun, rain, and the fecund soil which holds their roots. The more a plant spreads its roots into the soil, the stronger and more productive it becomes.

The same is true for us. Following the Jesus narrative, something in us must die for us to be resurrected into intimate Relationship with God. The dead husk of our lives must be sloughed off so the kernel of new life can germinate and emerge.

Authentic Relationship with God requires the same as nature requires of her kingdom—something new must emerge. For us that new thing is a being cleansed of anger and guilt which, fresh and new, knows the Ground of its Being, and spreads its roots deep into holy soil. In that rootage we discover the divinity that was always hidden within us and always at our disposal. We become able to walk and talk with God in our spiritual Eden where we experience great beauty and great joy. And all is well with our soul.

(Note: To learn how to give permission to something beyond your control to cleanse you of anger and guilt, see Humpty Dumpty Hatched under BOOK on this website.)

SPRING EQUINOX

The term Easter comes from Eostre, the Saxon goddess celebrated at the spring equinox. The equinoctial feast actually goes back to prehistoric times, suggesting man has celebrated balance ever since his conscious awareness allowed him to recognize the equal length of day and night.

And what fortune that Christianity chose the term to celebrate its highest holy day! Celebrating the balance of humanity and divinity in Jesus. And the potential of celebrating the same in ourselves—in this life.

Imagine! A balance in our personalities–of introvert and extrovert traits, of thinking and feeling functions, and of all the other opposites that pull us in two directions.

God designed this balance for all of us—a balance of work and play, of compassion and introspection, of words and silence, of activity and rest.

And beneath that balance a sense that God was/is/will be intertwining all the traits of our personality in exactly the tapestry design that He always intended.

ANGER

Surely God does not intend for us to be angry. Simply because anger overpowers and imprisons the joy that God has planted deep inside us.

Anger seems to be on the increase as God’s children are killing each other everywhere. And increasing in individual amassing of weapons for the purpose of killing.

Anger seems to arise when there is a feeling of loss of power, of control. It can be something as detailed as a TV set not working properly or can be a general feeling of more than hatred toward a group of people—perhaps coming from a fear that they might become more powerful, might try even to kill us.

What God wants is to eliminate the anger in us—one by one—through a personal transformation experience. Elimination of anger is the only means to our living in harmony with each other, whether in marriage, families, communities, nations.

Anger comes from wanting power, no matter how much we already have. Anger may be a sibling of greed—or surely plays into it. No matter how much power we have, we want more. We want people to behave the way we want them to behave. We want events and outcomes to follow our agenda. We want to be in control.

The drive for power does something peculiar to our insides—both physically and psychologically. It causes negative consequences that actually reduces our power and thus increases our anger.

Anger occupies the space where creativity and authentic excitement for life is intended to live.

We would do well to identify our angry spots and ask ourselves if we really do want to be rid of them. If we do, our Inner Wisdom can destroy what is keeping us from experiencing abundant life. It waits for our permission.

13 August 2014
Ann Glover O’Dell

(Note: my personal transformation story, where anger was destroyed in me and hasn’t returned in 30 years, is contained in the book,  Humpty Dumpty Hatched, which is available on this website.)

I SPEAK FOR THOSE

I speak for those who
once upon a time
or rather
once before time
before our fall
into dual time
the time before
the brokenness of consciousness
when we reflected
the authentic image
of what had begotten us.

We
the once begotten
have need of something likened
to a twice begottenness
for blurred has become
the holy image
and our polishing cloths
are helpless to restore
the depth and luster
of our former selves.

2 March 2015

(Note: Additional poems that deal with brokenness and restoration, duality and unity, and themes of wholeness and transformation may be found on this website under POETRY.)

COMPASSION

We must die to our agenda for compassionateness before we can be transformed into truly compassionable individuals. Whatever goodness and compassion our conscious will has chosen as a worthy goal and has attempted to achieve must be sacrificed in order that God’s agenda may take precedence—i.e., take complete charge in us. What that means—how God’s agenda is made manifest—is that we participate fully in the consent to, the receiving of, and the putting into action God’s desire.

Having been washed of our own agenda—no matter how good and godly it was—there is space in our conscious will for the Spirit, which now has been welcomed more fully in to our soul, to feed God’s agenda into our consciousness, which, through our continued free will, participates with this agenda through its own creativity, energy, and with its own peculiar talents of organization and execution.

Though the conscious will continues to make decisions, flowing in and through those decisions is the compassionate, creative, renewing, transforming power of the Spirit from our soul space that is continually enlarging ever since we gave the Spirit permission to clean house—not a case of suggesting to consciousness what needs to be discarded or helping to carry off pieces of detritus but to take charge and do the job solely on its own Spirit terms.

Ann G. O’Dell
10 March 2009

(note: The secret to giving Spirit permission to clean house is accessible to everyone in the book Humpty Dumpty Hatched, available for downloading on this website.)

 

CONTAIN ME, GOD

Contain me, God
within the fabric of this flesh
within the scope mind and hand
that I may not be spilled
in heedless acts of mediocrity
and rash expressions of a wayward pride.

Contain me, God
that I not reach too high
or think too deep
and miss the treasure
resting in my hand.

Contain me, God
that I may be
accustomed to the crevices
you’ve made in me
and careful how I fill
the spaces that I find.

Contain me, God
that I great comfort gain
in being cup and liquid both
held by thy loving hand.

Ann Glover O’Dell
11 February 2009

A Sign for You

Signs, signals, symbols lie around us everywhere—if only we have eyes to see and ears to hear. The eyes and ears of the heart—the inner self—was what Jesus was talking about. And God has placed peculiar signs for each of us, readily available. All we need do is listen and look with our spiritual ears and eyes.

Probably we will not experience an angel visitant with celestial chorus accompaniment. But the directions to our sign are all around us, trying to get our attention, trying to make us see how much we want great joy, trying to make us understand that God wants us to have just that.

We, as the shepherds in the story, will find our own Babe, lying in the stable of our heart, waiting for us to wrap it in very special swaddling cloths that only we can provide.

Note:  More on the idea of our Inner Babe can be found in “Cradling the Babe,” under Meditations on this web site.

23 December 2014

Oneness

The dogma that Jesus died for other peoples’ sins doesn’t work. Doctrine says because of his death, we will live forever. How could his death have anything to do with the essence of God present in every human being? How could belief in this doctrine change the fact that God has put part of Himself in everyone? Would God destroy that part of his essence if the personality carrying it did not accept Christian doctrine? I think NOT!

Jesus said he came that folks might experience life in all its abundance. Does belief in Christian doctrine fulfill that mission? I think NOT! If it did, folks wouldn’t be so burdened with guilt and anger.

If we are not in oneness with God as Jesus said he was, we are missing something we are intended to have. The way we get that oneness is not through a belief system. The way we come to experience oneness with God is through having all our mental, spiritual garbage incinerated—purged. And we cannot do that for ourselves. Only a Golgotha experience, orchestrated by the Holy Spirit with our permission, can bring us to oneness with God.

We are all strait-wired into the energy of the universe. Some trash has gotten into the line that must be cleaned out before we can experience our true identity

Clanging Brass

Without love, the essence of God filling our frame, we become a noisy gong and a clanging cymbal—percussion instruments making noise but enhancing no melody. Without the fullness that love provides, our words are depthless, our behavior erratic, our attachments superficial. Without the Spirit of God blowing through us, which is the intention of love, we are manikins attempting to be humans, moving by winding up our self-created key.

We must be willing to offer our tinkling, clanging pseudo-self to be incinerated on the rubbish heap with all the other falseness in us that needs to die and give God a new invitation to fill our orchestra pit with music.

What Wants To Be Born

What wants to be born in us?  What is eager to be hatched?  A new, guilt-free, anger-free being.  Our real Self.  Our original personality.

A self is born which, when a mistake is made gives an immediate apology because the complementary feeling is immediate and authentic.  We are immediately sorry for whatever misdeed we have committed.  So the apology is genuine and immediately forthcoming.  And even though the event may linger in memory, the wrenching guilt that used to linger, multiplying our not-OK feelings, lingers no longer.

Some scholars say our preeminent problem is that of shame: being ashamed of who we are–and who we are not, ashamed that we are not enough–in any situation.  We can’t do enough, know enough, have enough, can’t be enough–no matter what.  But guilt is the word we use to talk about our not-OK-ness.  And when the guilt disappears, the shame and despair it covers also disappear.

What wants to be born in you?  The real Self, the original you wants to be born–the human creature, begotten from the union of the inner masculine and feminine parts of the personality.  The union of your rational will with your creative intuition (conscious/unconscious) that produces in you the Nurturing Parent, Capable Adult, and Free Child.  The new self (having moved from childhood to adulthood to godhood) recreates our sense of awe and wonder and delight–the same that God experiences within his good creation, pronounced good from the beginning.  The goodness/godness within us is what we are searching for.  And what is searching for us.

The new Child is born–not childish, immature in its ways, but a new child-likeness–an innocence that lives in the world but believes the good will prevail.  That celebrates the good in everyone/everything.  That looks for the redemptive in every situation.  That is able to celebrate wonder and awe and the comic–everywhere.  That experiences joy, laughter, the expectation of every day holding the same excitement and newness that Christmas Day did for us as children.

Dream scholars suggest that when that happens we will dream of a wedding uniting a king and queen.  I say a dream of a dear child is what tells us either that ours has been born or is calling us to allow it to be born.

Our story begets its own fairy tale happy ending.  But ours is not a fantasy.  Ours is a ‘until death do us part’ union, which keeps us grounded in the inner life no matter what happens in the outer.

Invitation to Wholeness

The invitation to wholeness comes in a strange envelope.  Most invitations come in a phone call, an email, or a printed card in our mail box.  But not the most important invitation of all.

Most invitations request our presence and participation in a pleasant gathering of friends and acquaintances–a party, shower, wedding, celebration.  Usually we are delighted to be included and look forward to the event.  We begin to plan a gift we will take, what we will wear, etc.

The invitation to New Life is altogether different.  For one thing, it comes from inside, not outside us.  Secondly, it is anything but pleasant.

The invitation to New Life can take many forms–none of them enjoyable.  It comes as a negative feeling we cannot shake or ignore: a nagging restlessness we cannot satisfy; a dissatisfaction with activities that formerly gave us pleasure; a general feeling of failure; a kind of death gnawing away inside us; a conscious realization that we really don’t like ourselves very much.

Unfortunately an unwelcome invitation seems to be the only way our Life Force can get our attention.  As long as we find our life satisfying, there is no impetus to change.  Only something negative can get our attention.

For social gatherings it doesn’t matter much whether we accept or regret the invitations we receive.  Not true of the Invitation to Wholeness.  The Life Force is determined for us to have something more than the best we have experienced of this life.  It will be relentless in its attempts to get our attention–and our permission to let it do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.  To try to ignore or dismiss this invitation may mean physical or psychological illness.

Would that we all might listen to the message of our pain and cooperate in our miracle of wholeness.

Games We Play

Eric Berne, in his 1964 Games People Play, showed us a side of ourselves we perhaps had not seen.  His list of ‘games’ touched such a chord that thereafter and even now we can hear someone label an attitude of another as a game of ‘Ain’t it Awful’ or ‘Blemish.’

Berne showed how impossible it is to stop someone’s game, no matter how many approaches we take.  And even labeling others’ games may also be a projection of our own.

It is unfortunate that we seem to spend so much time playing personality games that either no one can win or  in order for one to win someone has to lose.  What we all really want are satisfactory relationships with each other.  What we really want is not another episode of ‘Mine’s Better Than Yours’ or ‘Yes, But…’ but rather a game-free environment where we can laugh and joke and exchange creative ideas.  Or at least that’s what something deep inside us wants.

Sometimes I find if I exaggerate the awfulness or suggest a preposterous solution or switch to the awfulness of something that is really quite delightful, I can change the direction of a conversation.  Often it is not easy.  I think perhaps we’ve forgotten how to give each other pleasure and meaning in conversation.  And perhaps this comes from our inability to give ourselves authentic pleasure.

Berne talks about our deep desire for intimacy in relationships, not in sexual terms but rather in terms of our deepest self–the self that wants to be whole, that wants to embrace all of life in order to extract the most meaning, that wants to ponder and explore.  I am convinced that the energy of the universe is concentrated on that win-win desire for everyone.

Mottos We Adopt

From a great deal  of pondering over all my previous negative behavior, I began to see some mottos I had adopted early in my life.  It was easy to find the ‘Be Strong’ that I decided would protect me from punishments like that I received from the crying incident.  And my ‘Be Strong’ also kept me from shedding tears over much sadness that warranted them.

It took a while before I saw the other mottos. ‘Be Right’ was surely the one that had kept me from ever apologizing to my family.  ‘Be Powerful’ fed my need to be in control of everything possible.

I had no idea, however, that my mottos were so evident to others outside my family.  After my Humpty Dumpty transformation experience, I had an opportunity to visit with an elderly gentleman who had been a member of the Worship Committee at my church when I had been the chair.  When I told him I felt like I was a completely different person from the one I had been for decades, he replied, “Well, I hope so.  I decided in that committee that I didn’t want to be on your train or in the way of it!.”  We both laughed at his insight and I appreciated his revelation.

My conviction is that no matter how we are perceived to the contrary, the mottos we choose for ourselves are our best attempts to improve on ourselves–make ourselves into good people–the best we can be.

My mother gave me a motto at a  young age–‘Don’t Embarrass the Family.’  It is only just now obvious to me that her embarrassment at my three-year-old crying incident was the deciding factor.  Throughout my growing up, she often reminded me of this directive.  There must be something in my personality that continued to make my family fear I would do something that reflected badly on them because one of my sons seemed at an early age to give me the same motto.  Or maybe the mottos we give others are merely projections of facets of our personality we haven’t adequately dealt with.

Paradoxically, our mottos need to be given up in order for them to be authentically incorporated into our personality.  The ‘giving up’ manifests itself in the opposite of the motto.  In my three-day crisis, there was nothing strong or powerful about me.  I experienced just the opposite.  And in my Great Confession I admitted all the ‘not rightness’ (unrighteousness?!) about myself.  Only after the crisis did I emerge with a genuine strength and sense of power that I never had before.

My motto now is simply ‘Be.’  And I think the same is intended for everyone.  Out of the essence of our authentic Being emerges a wholeness that needs no other mottos.

Fertilization

Isn’t there something deep inside us that wonders if there is more to life than the best we have experienced? If we’re honest with ourselves, I think the answer for at least some of us is yes.

There is a spiritual fertilization that must take place if we are to be able to experience life in all its fullness. Both male and female parts of our personality are required. The egg resides in the unconscious and, like all eggs, contains the essence of life, the potential of a new being. It awaits the sperm of the conscious mind. The seed. The planting of permission.

Perhaps all the duality of the external world is trying to point us to the duality within ourselves. And perhaps all the tension we see between opposites externally is pointing us to the tension within that needs to be resolved.

Tension is resolved in the world when people of opposing views meet and agree on a peaceful, creative way of dealing with each other. The same is true within. All duality needs union where, as in the Hegelian dialectic, opposites come together in a synthesis that is greater than the sum of the two parts.

This is no more true than within the individual personality. The unconscious yearns to be unified with the conscious. Our conscious ego must want something more than it can provide for itself and be willing to give of itself so that union may be achieved.

Unlike most human biological yearnings, the feminine unconscious is the more wiling of the two. Eager. Obsessed, actually. So much so that it is constantly sending up invitations. Teasers.

But the conscious is a do-it-yourself kinda guy. A take-charge ruler, decision maker, multi-tasker and paramount achiever. It fails to recognize that its most authentic joy and creativity lies beyond its control.

For many of us a crisis must occur before our masculine conscious (rational control feature) becomes desperate enough to take paper and pencil and engage the inner feminine (a.k.a. Inner Wisdom). But the Inner Wisdom is available to us at all times. We do not need to wait for a crisis.

Going Around in Circles

If we could change ourselves into the calm, creative, life loving persons we want to be, we would have already done just that. Who doesn’t want to feel peaceful, guilt-free, productive? Getting what we want is not so easy. No matter how often we bombard ourselves with affirmations. No matter how many good deeds we do to assuage our guilt. No matter how many craft classes we enroll in.

If we could consciously, with our own will power, change what we want to change in and around us, we would miss what is even better. We would think our rationality is the best thing we have going for us and never open ourselves to the full resources of the unconscious.

Joseph. C. Pearce says that all the creativity we individually and collectively manifest is but about 5% of what the unconscious can produce in us. Imagine! And feelings of guilt and low self-esteem are simply the garbage we have collected which keeps the unconscious from emerging into our consciousness with its power.

We need not fear that giving our Inner Wisdom permission to do what is necessary to eliminate the garbage is going to leave us unmotivated and without direction. (One Christian friend of mine told me he was convinced that without guilt he wouldn’t get out of bed in the morning.) On the contrary, with the garbage removed, our original self emerges—curious, creative, and able to be totally present in the moment so that life in its fullness can be experienced.

The collective confessions and petitions of a religious worship service will not serve, however, as the necessary engagement of our head and heart in genuine dialogue with our innermost self. Each must find his own way, initiate his own conversation. At least, that was my experience.

Testing Our Inner Wisdom

If there is any doubt that you have an Inner Wisdom dedicated to your well-being, consider the following:

–Think of an incident when a creative idea or humorous response erupted from your mouth without seeming to have passed through your mind’s judging facility.

–Remember an occasion when you felt the need to call someone only to hear the phone ringing as he called you.

–Recall some problem you tried to solve, working at it long and hard, only to find when you gave up that the problem seemed to solve itself.

All these are glimpses of the enormous inner resource at our disposal, ready to make our being playful, creative, compassionate. Inner Wisdom is part of the vast unconscious part of our personality. Its powers are benevolent. It does have, however, a mind of its own. It cannot be coerced into following the dictates of our will, but it is ready to serve us well when we are ready to cooperate.

Consider a test:
Tell your Inner Wisdom you want to want to do something. Something you have not been able to make yourself do or want to do. This is different from “Help me do___.” Wanting to want to do something is asking our Wisdom Energy to give us the impetus that makes us want to do some task that needs tackling.

Pick something you’ve put off—something you dreaded beginning, something you’ve not been able to make yourself finish, something you wish you had never committed to. Consciously say, if you can mean it, that you want to want to do that thing. And then let go of it. Chances are in the not too distant future you’ll have a surprise.

 

Being in Control

I began to initiate in-depth conversations with friends who were very much interested in psychology, who read widely in the field and/or were pursuing degrees in counseling.  I wanted to know what they had discovered about themselves in their introspection.  I was eager to know if they had initiated dialogue with their Inner Wisdom.

One said he knew there was something inside that wanted his attention but he was determined not to engage it in conversation.  And he most certainly would not give it any part of his conscious control.  He describes himself, however, as the rich young ruler in Scripture (Matt 19:16-22)–full of sorrow at his own situation.

Another friend readily admitted that for her life was not worth living because she could not have what she yearns for.  She has closed her mind to the possibility that life can hold something even more valuable than what seems beyond her reach.  She rejects the possibility that an Inner Wisdom has a gift for her and teeters on the verge of suicide.

Still another will not allow himself to believe that new life is a possibility.  What he wants it to be is so far removed from where he is now that he can’t imagine getting there even if ‘there’ were a reality.  He refuses to engage in conversation with his Inner Wisdom.

A fourth intellectually understands that the process of wholeness requires a crisis where the old self is sloughed off and the new/real self emerges.  She is, however, unwilling to allow the crisis to come on its own schedule.  She is determined to effect the process by controlling the crisis and causing it to produce mini-crises.  She fears loss of family and friends if she risks letting her inner forces have their way with her.

All four are highly intelligent adults who have suffered greatly.  Most seem to know what is needed to achieve wholeness but will not let themselves experience the existential yearning for new life that lies deep within each of us—a yearning so strong that, once discovered, is willing to give up control (in the form of permission) in order to let a force beyond our control give us new life—in all its abundance.

Perhaps for some of us being in control is more important than being whole.